Today I hoisted my 15 month old baby onto my hip. She is always so smug and so comfy as she sits there and stares out at the world. It feels so natural, so right, so joyful to us both. I love to carry her (as much as I complain.) The weight of her fat little tush resting on my side makes me feel complete. I pick her up when she gets frustrated, sad or lonely. I walk over to her and gently and lovingly place her on my left hip. She tucks her sweet little chin to her chest to let me know she’s pleased. She sometimes nods. Often she’ll point at nothing and mutter some nonsense. She knows she has my undivided attention and she loves it, just as I love giving it. We soothe each other by contact. Her weight brings me right into the present moment, as the support of my hip brings her to her happy place.
As I stared at her today during one of these sessions, I reflected on the fact I have held 2 other babies on my hip: my oldest daughter, and then my son. And every time I rested them in that place I felt just as complete. Now they are 6 and 3 years old. Those moments are gone and others have taken their place. Tonight my oldest moseyed into the kitchen in my sunhat and her cowgirl boots speaking in an absurd southernish accent. As I glanced at my husband I saw he was taking a photo with his phone. When we announced to my son that it was dinner time he wept wholeheartedly because he just wanted to keep playing. A baby on the hip, a little girl in cowgirl boots, a little boy playing with all his heart, these are but silly little snippets of an ordinary life.
But they are oh. so. precious. to. me.
My baby girl reminds me that a mere 15 months ago, she was in my belly, quietly waiting out the days to join the world. And now here she is gazing out the window, pointing, talking, and simply…being.
That quiet moment of my life was precious. And it cannot be reclaimed. But I was there to see it. Thank God I was there to see it.
That chubby little butt on my hip is the reminder that now is the time. And it always will be.