Walls

It’s such a strange thing, these walls we build up around ourselves.  As I think back on my life I see all the times I made up reasons for not being able to do something.

As trite as it sounds, fear, self-doubt, guilt, these are all ways of imprisoning ourselves, and stopping ourselves from moving forward.  Maybe it’s out of loyalty to someone, or maybe it’s out of a fear of the unknown and so we use that fear to separate us from what could be.  And all of a sudden there is an enormous and insurmountable wall that exists only in our heads and nowhere else.

Why do we do that?  So often in my life when talking with my loved ones they would say, “why don’t you do it then?”  “Why not?” “Kids are resilient” “You need to do something for you” and my response was always, no.  I’m afraid.  I can’t.  They can’t.

I gave such deference to these imagined obstacles.  I coddled them and nurtured them without ever questioning their purpose in the first place.

Women spend so much time building up these walls.  They burden themselves with the heaviest of loads.  Some men do it too, I’m sure.  But every woman I know puts herself in a box.  When she’s accomplished one thing, she feels she has fallen short elsewhere.  And the victory of the moment is lost in a waterfall of self doubt and worry.  Why can’t we allow ourselves VICTORY, pure and simple?  Why must we always temper our happiness with our imagined failings?  And who are we helping by doing so?

Somewhere, inside most of is, is a voice that says we do not deserve to be happy.  We are not good enough to be happy.  We need to punish ourselves and bring ourselves down so that we don’t offend people with the light we radiate.

We need to let our lights shine.

How much better could our lives be if we dismantle these walls we have created for ourselves?   What if instead of limiting ourselves by guilt, self flagellation, self doubt, we chose to stand up tall?  What if we laid down all the reasons why not?

Perhaps we DO know our own power and we limit it because the spectacular shape our lives could take is too scary.  Change is scary.  Limitless potential is scary.  What would we be if we had no limits?  How would our lives change if we said YES instead of NO?

The walls you think are there are not.

So many people benefit from our willingness to imprison ourselves.  But so many *more* would benefit (ourselves included) if we tore down the prison walls.  And it turns out, it’s easy to do, as soon as we realize that those walls were never anything more than our own fear.

Those walls never existed but to the extent that I was willing to permit them to stay.

Praying for all the people who have trapped themselves in their own self doubt.  May we see through it.  May we choose to knock down the walls of our self-imposed prison and let our light shine.

 

 

 

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