2017

This chilly morning, we welcome 2017.

What is 2017 really?  Here in Mars, PA it’s a mild morning, begun with a whimpering 12 year old Newfoundland.  He keeps crying, and I can’t figure out what he needs.  I have given him water, he’s been outside, every time I come out and offer to take him outside he stops whimpering and stares at me.  Then I sit down to write and he whimpers again.

There are lavender streaks across the sky, backlighting the black outline of trees behind my house.  One child is stirring, two are sleeping.

I ask myself what I most want from 2017.  The answer to that must be based on what happened in 2016: the view I find as I look out my current window–figuratively and literally.  This view determines what I hope to see one year from now.  But what is my state of mind as I look out?  Peaceful?  Angry?  Determined?  Grateful?  All of the above?  How might this same view look to me when I wake up tomorrow?  The same exact view might look drastically different if my mood changes to hungry or sad or elated.

So much of what we resolve to do in the upcoming year is based off of what we think we failed to do, or didn’t do well enough in the previous one.  So our resolutions are nothing more than mirrors, really.  Or mirrors of how we mirror ourselves.

What is the truth of it, really?

Will our lives be better if we just this…..or …..that?

It would be nice to believe that to be true.

Throughout the past few years of my life I have made that error time, and time again.  If I this, then maybe that.

This type of thinking helps us believe it’s somehow under our control.  That perhaps the truth isn’t what it is–Maybe resolutions are our way of attempting to know the unknowable or control the uncontrollable.

Last year the “if I just….then….” thoughts were nothing more than fictions I told myself in an attempt to avoid the reality I wished wasn’t there.

Yearnings and wishes, hurts and heartbreaks, successes and failures, what are they really? Nothing more than snapshots of ourselves taking snapshots of ourselves.

So in 2017 here is my wish: clear sight, open ears, open heart.  Courage to see things as they are, courage in understanding that no amount of ifs or thens will change the unchangeable.

Life is what it is.

All we can do is our best. That is more than good enough.  Happy New Year.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s